


The Dating Game

by QuantumInk



Series: im lying to you, high school actually sucks [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Everyone is a huge nerd but we already knew that, Gen, Humanstuck, Kinda ooc-ish, M/M, POV Second Person, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 17:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6385249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumInk/pseuds/QuantumInk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is (kinda) sure Karkat and Dave aren't dating each other, but that's not what the betting pool says</p><p>(Five times John Egbert thought his friends could be dating, and the one time that they were)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dating Game

**Author's Note:**

> This is dumb and I should have just titled it trash
> 
> (Warning for really vague mentions of abuse and a bit of bigotry, and horrible use of memes.)

"They're totally gay for each other."  Jade whispers.

"Jade you got spit in my ear- wait what?"

"My gaydar is detecting all of the gay."

_"Jade."_

_"John."_ You sigh.  You and Jade are waiting for your group of friends to finish marching band practice.  Anyways, Dave is your completely one-hundred percent hetero bro.  Well, Karkat has been out for the past year as bi...  And that long winded rant about masculinity Dave had last summer.

"Terezi would be able to smell the denial radiating off of you."  She smirks.  You concede defeat to the overwhelming power that is your sister's gaydar.

 

(In fact, you learned your lesson back in the fifth grade when you confessed your undying love to Rose Lalonde- because in elementary everyone  _seems_ straight.  Rose then proceeded to tell you she "doesn't swing that way" and Terezi shoved mulch down your shirt on the playground "for the lady's honor."  

There were wood chips in strange places for  _days_.)

 

It's a hot October afternoon, and Karkat Vantas, good friend and unfortunate section leader of the band's color guard, is yelling.  Well he's always yelling because he has little to no volume control.  And he says that band stresses him out because _"Oh my sweet throbbing phlegm lobe, why the barfing fuck are you coming to me with all your problems.  There are two, two! clarinet section leaders right there, and nobody tells me what's going on."_

Dave is next to him, holding one of those gallon water bottles and face scrunched in what would be considered the Strider version of laughing.  Aradia walks up, sets down her drums and dumps the rest of her sun warmed water on Dave's head. Karkat _wheezes_ , Dave glares back with the face of a drowned cat.  The director calls them back, and Karkat hands him a stick that he dropped and throws their stuff in a pile together.

 

They are kind of cute.

 _Cough._ What, forget you said that.   _Co_ _ugh._

"Have no fear John!  I know the Heimlich maneuver!"

 

+++

 

The very next day, you walk into the cafeteria and discover the betting pool.

"It's only a dollar to join."  Rose smirks.  "Everyone else is expecting it; it's just a matter of when."

Terezi is with you, doing her weird cackle-laugh on the side.  "How many people have joined so far?"  She slips her a five.  Rose pulls out a stack of bills, adds it to the pile, and slips it away under the table.  "I might need to put a stop to this illegal gambling!"

"Oh but Legislator Pyrope, it's for a great cause."

"What must this cause be Miss Black Licorice?  Plead your case to the court or suffer the concequences!"

"Guys!"  You whine.  " I don't want to watch your nerdy rp session."

"Says the colossal nerd."  Terezi coughs.

"Hey, I heard that!"

"For the noble cause of fixing Sollux Captor's broken laptop of course."  Rose says.

"Ah!  How else will we get our free computer repairs?  Looks like you live to see another day out of the slammer."

 

Rose turns her attention to you.  "Dollar to join, John?"  Her eyebrows wiggle.  You cannot resist the call of the eyebrow wiggle.  May your dollar find peace, joy, and comradeship in its new noble cause.

 

Dave appears and waves a greeting to you and Terezi.

"Hello Dave."  Rose says.

"God dammit."

"Let's go, blueberry breath!  We're going to be late for all the good stuff."

With an iron fist and precision of a blind girl, Terezi bounds towards the lunch line with you in tow.

 

Looks like you're a dollar short for lunch money.

 

+++

 

Dave and Karkat are the only ones who can make it to your "bro-tastic" movie night.  Jake and Dirk are going with Roxy to meet Jane who back in town.  Rose is on a date reservation with her girlfriend, and Jade is staying late at robotics. 

 

"For the  _last time,_ you ignorant shitsponge, suggesting we watch Con-Air for the millionth time got old years ago.  You hated that movie one we got past the brain-rotting stage of life that was middle school."  Karkat grumbles.

When you turn around with the movie in hand, they've both made themselves comfortable on the two seater couch.  Dave's limbs are spread every way, and his legs dangle over Karkat's as he rummages through the selection of junk food.  Karkat's rant has shrank from his loud volume to a low mumbling that switches between English and Spanish.  Dave nods along with a low hum.  You think he's also trying to beatbox along to Karkat's rant.  What a nerd.

"Yo Egbert, I know my face is hella gorgeous but can you hurry up and put the movie in already.  Let's get this motherfucking show on the road man, Vantas is going to eat all the popcorn before it even starts."  Dave says.

"Hey!"

"Y'know there's a three person couch."  You blurt.

"Yeah, but we already dumped all the snacks here.  How will I reach my aj?  But if you really want, I bet we can make room for you- bro scoot your ass over.  Bromeo my man."

"So, what's this about?"  Karkat interrupts.  You make yourself comfortable on the floor nearby.  The screen moves to the opening credits as Pikachu darts in.

 

_"Jesus Christ on a stick we're literally such nerds."_

 

When you look back, the TV is dimming and the credits are rolling.  A single, manly tear has been dropped when Ash got turned to stone.  Dave's snoring can be barely heard over the music in the background.  His head is flopped on Karkat's leg, curled up into him so his legs only slightly dangle over the edge of the couch. Karkat's hands are tangled in Dave's hair, lazily messing with the blond-white strands.

"He drools."  You blink.

"I know."  Karkat says.  "Hand me that pillow; my leg is getting more disgustingly moist by the hour." 

 

(Your a bit jealous of how close they've gotten in the past three years.  Dave doesn't let just anyone touch him, not after the shit that happened with his brother.

You were the one who decided to apply for the science program in Maine, thousands of miles away from your tight-knit group of friends.  Karkat was able to see the bruises that the rest of you were missing, the rest of you were there when Rose's mom signed the adoption papers.

You actually missed a lot of things that year.  But everyone is okay.)

 

You think back to Jade's comments.  The lunch betting pool.  Nah- no... way?

Hm.

 

+++

 

Monday morning, you and Dave are chatting by the lockers when a girl saunters up to where you're standing.  She smiles shyly when she asks to speak with Dave- alone she says, as you snicker.  Like the awesome wing-man you are, you go stand to the side.  She gives him a- saucy? -look as she sticks her chest out farther and flips her bouncy brown curls over her shoulder.

"What?  John."  You can see him mouth _bro, don't leave me._

Karkat walks up to you when the girl is in the middle of invading Dave's personal space, and asking him out to the move theater across town.  He rubs at his eyes and the prominent bags under them.

"Who's the constipated person dressed like a fuzzy stripper?"  Karkat must not have gotten his morning coffee yet.  "Oh wait, minus the fuzzy.  I don't have contacts in yet.   _Hey_ \- that's the fucker that never shuts up in my morning class.  All she does is talk about her stupid boyfriend.  Oh he won't take me bra shopping, he called me drunk at three am, he broke my heart and now I'm angry, we had sex and-"

"Karkat, I don't want to hear about this girl's sex life! Geez.  Anyway, you're one to talk Mr.Ranty-pants."

"Are you literally twelve?"  

 

You'd almost think he was jealous.

 

The girl leans in uncomfortably close to Dave and tries to grab his hand.  He flinches away when their hands brush.

"So!"  Dave stutters loudly.  "Look at that time.  Let me just shove these breadsticks into my bag, it looks like it's time for me to jog into the burning sunset like an old western alien flick."  He says, and you can swear you hear _'mmm whatcha say'_ playing in the distance.  "Hey my ride is here."  He walks over to Karkat.  Throws an arm around his shoulder- "Catch me."

"Dave no."

"Dave yes."

Dave jumps bridal style into Karkat's arms, who catches him flawlessly, even without his morning caffeine.  

"I can't believe I just seriously said 'breadsticks' seriously, in a sentence that wasn't about Olive Garden"

 

The girl mutters something audibly.  "No one said you were a fucking faggot."  Wow, rude.  The three of you send her the dirtiest of looks.

"Naw man," Dave says.  "I'm equal opportunity, just not for cheaters."  He mutters under his breath as she stomps away, heels clacking on the tile.  "What a major bitch."  You both nod in agreement.

"Shit- have you been consuming blocks of cement in your spare time. You way a fuck ton."  Karkat says.

"He's like a hundred ten soaking wet."  You snort as Karkat's grip slips, and Dave lands on the floor with a loud thump.

 

+++

 

Dave comes over to your house on Wednesday, after practice.  You do homework together for an hour, before taking a break to play video games.  Most of the time is spent stuffing chips in your mouth and talking smack to each other.  Dave jams his foot in your side for the duration of it, and your Dad only knocks on the door to tell you to quiet down once.

The rest of the time, Dave runs his mouth about Karkat.

Or at least you think.  There are a lot of convoluted metaphors involved, but you're pretty sure Dave just called Karkat cute in the 'I like you as more than a friend way'.  Also, you've also been called incredibly dense by your friends, but you're almost pretty sure Dave is comparing Karkat's ass to classical architecture.

 

+++

 

You can't get over the fact that your friends are band nerds.  (They tried to get you to join but, piano)

The stadium is breathtakingly loud; the crowd could be rivaled by turnouts for football games.  It's thirteen degrees outside; you, along with Jade and Rose, are huddled together for whatever warmth you can get.  You let our a loud whoop all at once from the first bleacher, as the band plays their final note.

Twenty minutes later, you cheer even louder when they announce, _"First place in division 4A to Skaia High Marching Band!"_

Dave is grinning openly when he jogs up to you.

"Congrats Dave!"  You shout over the noise.

"Hey bro, can you save the speech for a sec."  Dave interrupts.  "Hold my babies, I'm going for it."  He shoves his drums at you.  

 

Dave walks over to where Karkat is, talking to the guard and covered in glitter and taps him lightly on the shoulder.  The three of you lean in, watching curiously.

He whispers something into Karkat's ear as he dips him.  He pulls him in, and their lips connect in a kiss.

 

Rose slips Jade a twenty under the bleachers.

**Author's Note:**

> You can tell as my attention span gets shorter and shorter as the story goes and dang I miss band season.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed my self-indulgent trash and liberal use of italics.


End file.
